The new year marks a new beginning for many, and in order to start anew it is important to reflect on the past. I always like to look at the books that I read over the previous year. The year can feel longer than it is, so sometimes I forget what I read at the beginning of the year! Reviewing the books that I read is like I am walking down a literary memory lane. I often associate memories with certain books and I like to reminisce. It is interesting to see what memories "stick" with the different books I read.
However, this year was a little different. I did not reach my goal and I couldn't help but feel disappointed. Especially after seeing all of my friends meet or even exceed their goals! I had high hopes for 2020 because I started out so strong.
In 2019 my goal was 52 books because I hoped to read a book a week. Well, that did not happen. Since I was working a full time job and in grad school it was hard to manage. So I decided that for 2020 I would have a more realistic goal of 25. In February my pacing was ahead of schedule so I thought I should increase my goal to 30. Everything was going well until March, the month the Covid-19 pandemic took hold in the US. The pandemic totally threw me for a loop. Like several others, I had to navigate working from home and online school.
On top of everything else I was recovering from some residual personal issues from 2019, and NEW personal issues. I was (and still am) worried about the health of my family and their job security. From March to August I was simply having a BAD time. I barely had motivation to get through my summer classes, nonetheless trying to tackle my ever growing TBR list. (The only reading I was able to do for fun was actually the Avatar the Last Airbender comics.)
By August I thought, "Hey, I still have lots of time!" Well...I was not very good at keeping myself accountable. I kept starting books, and stopping. Nothing was really keeping my attention and it was hard to focus. I am not sure when it happened exactly but I realized that I was not going to meet my goal.
I thought I reached acceptance, but then came the end of year posts from others. The book groups that I am part of kept sharing that because of quarantine they were able to read more than ever! So, my emotions kept teetering between feeling badly about myself, and feeling satisfied with what I was able to accomplish. You see I was four books shy of meeting my goal. (And really I surpassed it with all the books I DNF, but I don't count those towards my goal.) Despite all of the difficult times and lack of motivation I was able to read for fun anyway. While it may not be 130 books, I am still happy that I was able to enjoy those 21 books.
I then hit the actual acceptance of this fact, and I realized the obvious: It is ok to not reach your reading goal! Like other goals we set in our lives they are just that: goals. These goals are not competitions with others and they don't have to be a timeline. Sometimes we won't reach our goals, but that is ok because that doesn't diminish all the progress that lead up to that point. I read some great books in 2020 so not reaching my goal doesn't erase that fact. It is really the same with life. Your growth and worth are not determined by whether or not you meet an arbitrary goal, because the fact is is that you are going to be setting goal after goal after goal. Didn't get into that dream school? Didn't get that dream job? While yes it is upsetting and we should definitely allow ourselves to feel that, it is important to reflect, reassess, and set a new goal because life moves forward!
The only new year's resolution I have (besides staying alive and avoiding Covid) is to meet my reading goal. This year I have set my goal for 25, which is a manageable number that I know I might even be able to exceed, and I am so excited to write about all the books I'm reading for this blog.
(Ok so maybe I lied and keeping up with this blog is also a new year's resolution...)
Here is to 2021! May everyone meet their reading goals, read great books, and seek joy!
Now that it's 2023, I would hope looking back will make it even easier for forgive yourself for not finishing your list. 2020 was a YEAR. Just getting through was a win. I'm proud of you for reading anything (and the Avatar comics are great, for the record). (Happy 2023, by the way!)